"Just a wife..."

The fire service has it wrong.

Now that I've pissed off most of the firefighters who will ever read this, I'll explain what I mean by that.

First, let me point out that I said "fire service", not individual firefighters.  And that's an important distinction.

The fire service is steeped in tradition.  Born of the original "blue collar" boys, folks that were willing to run in where others wouldn't go.  Willing to pass buckets of water down a line to save a barn, a house, someone's life and livelihood.  Willing to take risks that most of us can't even imagine.  These boys worked hard, and lived by a code and an honor that most of us can't comprehend.

These traditions can be found in every firehouse in the country (and I would imagine, in most in the world).  A brotherhood that can't be properly explained unless you're part of it.  My husband can walk into any firehouse in the world, identify himself as a firefighter, and he will be accepted as one of their own.  And when it comes to individual firefighters, I could probably walk into those same firehouses, identify myself as a firefighter's wife, and immediately be accepted and treated with respect.

Unfortunately, that same acceptance is forgotten by the fire service as a whole, and by those that represent them.  And that's a shame, because I am one of the driving forces behind the fire service.

What people forget is this.....when my husband goes into that burning building to save your child, my life, my heart and my light go with him.  When he cuts your husband out of a mangled car, my life, my heart and my light help guide the extrication tools.  When he breathes life back into the toddler he has pulled out of your backyard pool, my life, my heart and my light help fill your child's lungs.  When his gentle hands place your grandmother on a stretcher to take her to the medical care she needs, my life, my heart and my light help secure her and keep her safe.  And when the roof caves in, and he has to call for help....my life, my heart and my light will help keep him safe until his brothers bring him home.

Most wives don't have to think about things like "line of duty death", and what happens if the chief's car pulls up into the driveway.  They don't have to think about things like making sure that laundry gets done separately to keep bio-hazards out of every day clothes.  They don't have to think about things like "family liaisons" that will help navigate the terrifying waters of life insurance and state benefits.  Most wives get to kiss their husbands goodnight every night.  When I married a firefighter, I knew that I would spend many nights alone.

I have had to drive myself to the emergency room, sit in hospitals recovering from surgery, attend family and church events, and a myriad of other things, by myself.  Not because my husband doesn't want to be there, but because he needs me to be independent, strong, and capable enough to take care of things on my own.  That gives him the security, and the ability, to be there to handle other people's emergencies.  He is calm and capable, strong and humble.

To their credit, most individual firefighters recognize the importance of being a fire wife.  Most of them understand that, just like our firefighters, we are a unique breed.  I just wish the fire service as a whole would come to the same realization.

Until the fire service, and those that represent them, understand that the strength behind their members comes from the women that choose to support them, they are missing half of the picture.  My husband has his brothers, but it's important that they start to remember there is a sisterhood that needs to be recognized as well.

I hope that eventually, they will no longer see me as "just a wife", and will start to see me as an integral part of what makes the fire service work.  We enable those heroes to save lives.  We enable those heroes to sacrifice, and we choose to sacrifice as well.

So, the next time someone tells me that I'm "just a wife", I'm going to tell them to kiss my foot.  I'm not, and will never be "just a wife"....I am a FIRE WIFE.